Have you ever wondered what gets in the way of you asking that BIG question?
The one that you don’t bother to ask because you think that you are going to get a ‘no’ in response?
Ironically, if you don’t know for sure, then you have nothing to lose!
However, fear of rejection is a real thing. So, let’s talk about it.
Fear of rejection carries its consequences.
These can be as simple as stopping yourself from reaching for your dreams, like getting that job you’ve always wanted, or from introducing yourself or meeting new people that may lead to a business deal, a relationship, or opportunity.
But that’s not all … when we fear rejection, we show up very differently from how we really want to be seen. And often, if we let our authentic selves disappear under the nervousness, we come across as a phony because we’re monitoring every word we say, as if we’re reading from a script!
You might think you’ve mastered it, but there are subtle giveaways, in the tone of voice, body language and other non-verbal cues which people pick up on. And, in your head, you’re analysing the conversation, you’re not relaxed, and present … and others can feel it.
Everything you want is on the other side of fear…
And you know what else? … Fear of rejection can go as far as you becoming a people pleaser because you want to be accepted, you want to belong and connect … but at what cost?
Can you imagine how much energy, time, and brain power you are using just by not being your authentic self?
No wonder most individuals are feeling exhausted and overwhelmed! When we continually behave in this ‘passive-aggressive way’ we forget stuff, procrastinate, and neglect things to the point where it becomes very stressful, and on the verge to popping a brain vessel.
Nelson Mandala reminds us that “it always seems impossible until its done!”
The good, the bad and the ugly…
The good news is that there is a very fun and simple way to bust through your fear of rejection, but first you must be rejected by another person every single day.
Sounds awful right? Well, this is called rejection therapy and it is actually quite entertaining.
The trick is to plan for it ahead of time. You can do this by writing thirty days’ worth of ways you can get rejected.
Why thirty days you may ask?
Well, neuroplasticity shows us that the brain starts to change after thirty days with consecutive actions because neurons that fire together, wire together.
Rewire your brain in 30 days…
Now, here’s the fun part. Remember this is a game you’re playing with yourself so you can get as creative as you want to!
In fact, the crazier, scarier … the most daring rejections that you can come up with will be the most rewarding! And I promise you this. Once you have completed this project, you will no longer have any fear of rejection.
And … for all the coaches out there, this is a perfect assignment, task or prework for every coachee technique to face their fear of rejection.
Okay, these are just some that I found and came up with. Of course, make your own up.
List of rejections; –
- Convince a stranger that you know them
- Before purchasing something ask for a discount
- Ask a stranger for a compliment
- Dance in front of a security camera
- Ask a stranger if you can have a photo with them
You see where I am going with this right? Make it yours and have fun with it.
Turn rejections into opportunities…
Shifts happen, but only when you pursue them. Doing this exercise will help you to realise that you don’t have to allow rejection to stop you in your tracks … instead you can dance with it and find a way to control it rather than let it control you.
You can turn your rejections into a great big imaginary bouncy ball – one that will catapult you forward!
How empowering is that?
You know, people often see rejections as a ‘no’ forever, but more often than not, they are just ‘no’ for now.
For example, let’s say you go for a job interview, or ask someone out on a date or ask for a business deal and you get a ‘no’.
Do you walk away feeling defeated?
Or … do you ask for feedback? Do you ask ‘what’ do I need to do differently next time to improve on the very thing that you need to work on to be successful?
Practice vulnerability and self-compassion…
When you have been told ‘no’, YOU, and you alone, have the power to channel that energy into either feeling like a victim of circumstance or becoming a victor and making the most of it!
Being vulnerable is powerful. It helps us to overcome our negative emotions a lot quicker and it increases our self-worth, builds empathy, trust and understanding.
Did you know that it’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you are? And, if you think you’re not worthy, or something’s not possible, then that’s going to shape your circumstances, because it will mean the difference between trying and not trying, accepting defeat, or dusting yourself off to have another go!
If you want to get anywhere in life, you must always back yourself. Sure, you say, but I just don’t have that type of confidence. Well, let me tell you that confidence grows … and if you do this simple exercise, your confidence will skyrocket! And you won’t worry about asking for feedback, or what people think when you do!
Know this, others care more about themselves than you…
Did you know that other people’s judgment of you is only a reflection of their own insecurities?
Now doesn’t that blow your mind!!
If that isn’t a paradigm shift, then I don’t know what is … let’s take a closer look and pull back the veil on this one to get a better understanding at why we do this in the first place?
This kind of behaviour is not you; it’s either a program or pattern that you have picked up in your development years.
It may also have been an experience you had when you were a child, or it could be that pestering inner critic that took hold of your courage.
Some of these barriers, obstacle and roadblocks are comments like.
- You have tickets on yourself
- Stop tooting your own horn
- Don’t sing your own praises
- Stop boasting and bragging about your achievements.
You see most of the time if you pull back the curtains and look behind the fear you will find so many gifts hidden in that dark cupboard of yours.
Yes, gifts because once you ‘see’ why you do what you do, it is very hard to ‘unsee’ it.
Don’t wait for someone to tell you are good enough and don’t wait for someone’s permission to do the things you want to do in this life.
It is your birthright to explore, experience and become that extraordinary human being that you have come here to participate in this adventurous life.
Nothing holds you back more than your own insecurities…
The only limits in life are the ones you make … so make yourself a priority!
At the end of the day, you are your longest commitment.
Three simple rules in life to live by.
- If you do not go after what you want, you’ll never have it
- If you do not ask, the answer will always be ‘no’
- If you do not step forward, you’ll always be in the same place
Self-care is about giving the world the best of you … not what’s left of you.
Before signing off here a couple of hard pills to swallow; –
- You can’t make everyone happy and nor is it your job to do so
- Anyone who gossips about you is insecure about their own life and needs to feel superior
- Everyone isn’t mad at you and if you think that, where is the evidence?
- People are not analysing your every move
- You don’t have to be perfect to deserve respect
- Some people won’t like you, no matter how nice you are and that’s okay
Don’t hold yourself back. Learn the art of saying ‘no’ … don’t lie, don’t make excuses, don’t over explain yourself just politely decline.