‘ The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs’ – Joan Didion
Self-love, Self-hate, Self-doubt, Self-respect, Self-esteem, Self-sabotage…
Have you ever stopped to really think about the distinctions between these ‘Self’s’ we all have?
Have you ever actively attempted to hone in to these ‘Self’s’?
Are these terms we even truly understand?
Let’s start with some definitions.
Self: (definition) a person’s essential being that distinguishes them from others, especially considered as the object of introspection or reflexive action.
Respect: (definition) a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
If that’s what it means, we seem to think and feel oddly around respect at present, don’t you think?
It seems to be largely synonymous with FEAR when by definition it is more synonymous with LOVE.
Respect yourself and others will respect you
We seem to be respecting the people in our life out of fear of the power they have over us.
That’s not an admiration; that’s a fear.
By definition self-respect must be: (definition) the ability to look at your SELF and DISTINGUISH a feeling of deep admiration elicited by YOUR OWN abilities, qualities, or achievements.
How then, do you foster or distinguish your own self-respect?
As with most things, it is easier to locate where it is NOT rather than where it is.
For example, self-respect would not allow you to live a life around an external belief system that your internal self has real issues with.
That is DISrespect to yourSelf.
Eight ways to foster your own self-respect
- Learn how to listen to yourself: quiet your day-to-day brain
- Notice when you feel disempowered in a situation
- Ask ‘Self’ questions about these situations: How do situations like this make me feel? What do I generally tend to think when this sort of thing starts happening?
- Learn your own lacks in self-respect from these questions and where they most predominantly appear in your life
- Be conscious in your daily life of where and when to remember your self-respect
- Practice, practice, practice
- Be brave and be patient: with others but mostly yourself
- After a few months, review how you feel
How you feel is so important in gaging your level of self-respect.
Respect is one of the greatest expressions of love
Therefore our full definition of this combined word self-respect becomes: (definition) the ability to look at your SELF and distinguish that feeling of deep admiration elicited by your own abilities, qualities, or achievements and then FEEL it!
‘Self-respect, self-worth and self-love, all start with self. Stop looking outside of yourself for your value’ – Rob Liano
If you feel more centred and able to hold your life together.
If you make your decisions in your head or heart consciously before you make them out loud.
If you find you are experiencing heightened compassion or bettered connections with people.
If you find you are making an impact where you previously were not.
If you find you are able to say things to people despite how you may look or what they might think.
If you have the ability to stand up for what you believe in for your ‘Self ‘first and then also others.
You have self-respect to be proud of!
When we give, we get.
When we give to ourselves, we GET ourselves.
Without giving yourself self-respect, you will not ever have it. It is an action of contributing and it only begins with you giving to YOU.
It ends out loud however, when people can experience and appreciate self-respect within themselves and others.
These things take time. The time that’s taken in this practice is more worthy of you than the time taken in self-doubt or self-hate, I promise.
Next week we investigate self-esteem!