To read the first piece in this two-part series on a complaining tongue, click here.
Complaining is draining to your soul
What is the purpose of your complaining?
There is a purpose to everything that we do. The purpose will get us to a result, an outcome, a goal and an objective. It does take for you to be in your heart to really unpack the purpose of your complaining.
You can’t be in your head all the time; it can be unhealthy and self-limiting as a way to resolve it, break it down or make sense of it because the purpose lives in that deeper part of your mind.
Your unconscious mind.
The best way to tap into that deeper part of your unconscious mind can be as simple as journaling, just allow your emotions to express themselves on paper.
And … you can do this in three easy steps:
- First, open your journal and label your emotion: I am feeling _________________.
- Then, probe your emotion: What does my emotion want?
- Finally, find three alternative meanings to your emotion in order to get unstuck.
Use different coloured pens in your journal to associate the meanings with healthy, positive and uplifting emotions.
Over time, with repetition, the body starts to trust the ‘present’ moment … letting go of the ‘past’.
Your shadow is the best way to find your purpose
The unconscious mind is the shadow of the conscious mind.
Your shadow is what we don’t want to admit to.
Your shadow is the dark side of your personality.
Anytime you react or anytime you get triggered about … people, events or situations where you may find yourself a little impatient, angry or even aggressive towards an individual or topic, that is your shadow screaming at you …. trying to get your attention.
Your first port of call is to look at all of the things you are complaining about and write them out to make a deep inquiry as to;
- Why they are present?
- Why they exist right here and right now?
- How are they are serving you?
- What are you avoiding?
Once you can identify with your shadow, once you can accept your shadow and integrate your shadow, that is where the magic unfolds.
Complaining gives us a false sense of power and control
When we complain, we feel like we are right and the situation that is taking place is wrong … and all that does is feed the ego, where we feel superior, bold, powerful, knowledgeable … as if we are all succumbed and knowing of all that is.
Now … let me ask you this question.
Are you going to let your mind control you?
Or … are you going to override your conditionings, your patterns and your programs?
Ask yourself …. How is this serving me right now?
Most of the time, what we think, what we feel and how we act is a secondary gain to why we do what we do.
Awareness is the first step and the most important step of all … become mindful of your thinking, what you speak and how you feel.
Self -awareness is more powerful than you think
How about doing more reflection instead of complaining … go within and do the deep work, make the deep enquiry with a curious mindset to find out why, how and when you complain.
Is it based on the environment?
Is it a specific individual, or is it around a particular topic or area of your life?
The more you complain about your problems, the more problems you will have to complain about.
And for the love of God, don’t give your power away by feeding into other people’s complaints … the best thing and the most powerful thing you can do is to walk away.
You are actually doing them a favour. By walking away, you are not feeding into their complaint, instead you are diffusing its power, thus helping them out in a weird and wonderful way.
Complaining does not work as a strategy
True happiness comes when you stop complaining and start to accept what is, and if not … YOU have the freedom to choose. You can choose another path.
For just one day, pay attention and make it your intention to not complain just for 24 hours and see the difference.
See the changes that take place and unfold before your very eyes. It can be hard at first, but it’s the key to being self-aware.
You can take baby steps in this self-awareness journey of yours, and you can always seek help from a professional life coach to do so.
“If you have time to complain and whine about something, then you have time to do something about it.” Anthony J. D’Angelo.
Accept what you can’t change and change what you can’t accept. Remember, the power sits with you. When you can see it, you can own it, and then you can turn your complaints into actions.