Trust is like a piece of paper. Once it is crumbled and scrunched up, it can’t be perfectly straightened again.
From my experience, nothing hurts more than being disappointed by the single person you thought would never lie to you. Have you ever asked ‘why’ they lied to you in the first place? What was their driver for not telling the ‘whole’ truth?
When I say ‘whole’, there are so many versions of the truth to consider. Depending on how much information you delete, distort and generalise, there are always many facets to a story. Therefore, there are angles depending on where you are standing at the time, what state of mind you are currently in and what emotion has hijacked your amygdala.
Take the First Step – Give trust
We may not be outright liars. However, we certainly shade the truth a little to make it fit more comfortably into our lives, to keep it from disrupting anything from our careers or our relationships. On the flip side, do we intimidate others in ways that might encourage them to shade the truth? And… how often may you rephrase a scenario so it doesn’t come across so harsh? How often do you alter a story so not to offend the listener? As you can see, we strategically manipulate our words and our sentences. Moreover, we play this out on a daily basis. Call it white lies or bending the truth. We all do it.
Which brings me to the word ‘trust’, the most valuable asset you can have. When you have ‘trust’, you are more influential. Your team and relationships around you will be open and honest with their communication. You will be an effective negotiator and, most of all, a great leader. So…. How do you get trust? You have to give it first and you will get it back in two folds.
Build Rapport & Establish Strong Relationships
When we communicate, we use words, tone of voice and body language to get our message across. To expand, 55% refers to the importance of body language and facial expression, 38% refers to tone of voice and inflection, and the remaining 7% relates to the importance of the words we use.
Consequently, 55% of our communication is non-verbal. In other words, before you even open your mouth to utter anything, your interlocutor will already have received some form of communication. This is key, because if you don’t trust an individual, then guess what? They won’t trust you. If you give them trust first, you will automatically build rapport. You will be creating a safe space for them to be open with you and be of some influence to them.
Seek First to Understand, and Then Be Understood
Trust is BIG. Some individuals trust everyone until proven otherwise. That’s me. For others, you have to prove you are trustworthy, it needs to be built. Some just don’t trust anyone. I personally find it so much easier for me to assume that the other person is trustworthy rather than think these people will betray me. Just think for a minute how uncomfortable you would feel if you had to prove to someone you are trustworthy. It automatically puts you on the defensive side, right? Everybody likes approval. Trust is a form of approval.
Service to others and Pay It Forward
The more we trust an individual, the more they become trustworthy. It’s not by telling them you trust them. Show them you trust them. Actions speak louder than words. You give them more responsibilities, you collaborate, you cooperate and you contribute. Be of service to others. Selflessness is the sincere concern for the well-being of others. Pay your ‘trust’ forward and see the repercussions of your trust. Think about how you feel when someone trusts you. Amazing. You go above and beyond their expectations so not to let them down.
Connection is the number one human need. We each have a need to love and be loved by others. We each have a need to belong. Love, trust and connection are the most balanced place to ignite the fulfilment of this human need, take time to connect with and love the many aspects of our own being. When we are connected to our ‘self’ in the truest sense, this connection naturally aligns with and permeates out to genuine connection, trust and love in others. Remember to regain trust you need to prove how much you love through actions, not words.