‘I am the brightest light beaming from the darkest depths. A dichotomy, I am … illumination.’
To say that I relate to Jaeda DeWalt’s quote would be an understatement. I too have experienced some of the darkest moments, which have been my greatest lessons. From those very experiences, I am now aware, informed and enlightened.
However, if only I was aware of the dichotomies, the rhythms and cycles of life that are natural to our presence, the road may not have been so bumpy.
Just the other day, I heard, ‘You want it so bad that you created the opposite, which is the fear of not getting it.’
It struck me like lightning. And I’m certain that you can relate to it as well.
Can you recall the very first time you fell in love and you desired that person so much … that you were terrified not to get them?
Or when you went for your very first job or that perfect career, after the interview you feared so much that you weren’t successful … because you wanted it so bad?
For me, I can relate to dichotomies in so many ways from my relationships. Instead of them going up and down, in and out, I now have found balance. I have found less extremity and fewer limitations because I now understand the laws of cycles and rhythms.
You can’t stop them. They’re like the sunset and the sunrise.
It’s all in how you dance with the rhythms and the meaning you give them.
Nothing exists without its opposite
With every extremity, the opposite exists, and we invite it into our very existence.
The thing here is to not get stuck on either side of the dichotomy, whether real or imagined.
You hear it so often. Countless entrepreneurs, business owners and leaders say, ‘we work really hard, but we play hard too!’ My response is always, ‘how is that working out for you?’
Guess what their answer is?
‘It’s not … but I’m having trouble finding the balance.’
It’s not about finding the balance. It’s about creating the balance so you don’t have to be so extreme.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the one side of the dichotomy. For example, those that know me know that I am a giver of my time and energy. To find the balance, it means allowing myself to receive more so to feel more grateful and energetic.
There are dichotomies even in a leadership team. Some are soft and some are hard. Some are leaders and some are managers. Some are inspirational and some are demotivators. Some are extreme and some are subtle.
They all exist. The question is … how do we make it work in a balanced way for ourselves?
Living with the rhythm and cycles
You win some and you lose some. There is success and there is failure. There is triumph and there is disaster.
Even our own physical body has a circadian rhythm. There are rhythms and cycles in everything that we do. They’re in our environment, they’re in nature and they’re in life.
Sometimes we are super motivated and other times we are bored. We can go from loving to hating someone, from respecting to loathing. When we swing too much towards one side of the dichotomy, we are at our extreme point.
The secret is learning how to find balance amongst the chaos because the law of rhythm affects our health, our relationships, our economy and lots more.
Everything in the Universe has its own rhythm. The tides of the ocean come in and go out, but they don’t stick to one side. They rise and fall.
This is what we call the cycle of life. There is always a reaction to every action.
The balance then is not to react or respond to the extremity, but to remain neutral.
The one trick that has worked for me is to understand that they both exist and to not get caught up in the extremity of the emotions that come with the waves.
There is no end to this but death
‘The real question is not whether life exists after death. The real question is whether you are alive before death.’ – Osho
There are so many individuals that are so afraid of dying that they forget to live.
Once again, it’s learning not to get stuck on one. It’s learning how to not get too excited or too down when things present.
We can’t control all of the rhythms and cycles around us. But we can control how we react and respond to them.
We can control our mindset. We can control our emotions. We can control the meanings we give to every scenario, situation and opportunity at hand.
The more we learn to remain neutral and centred, the less are we going to experience mood swings. We can learn to be detached from an outcome, whether it’s a relationship, a job or an emotion. Otherwise, we will let the rhythm and cycles zap our time and energy to the point that we may stay stuck on one side of the dichotomy.
Instead, you can use your will power to prevent you from getting too upset or too enthusiastic. You now understand that sometimes we have no control over some occurrences that play out in life, just like the tides of the ocean.
It’s your turn
It is up to us to decide whether or not we invest our time and energy on these highs and lows. We have the power to choose if we want to feel exhausted from going against the tide.
When you can master your emotions and control them so they don’t swing too much towards one way or the other, you will feel balanced, neutral and not have to go through too many extremities.
Don’t allow the pendulum to swing too high to one side. If you remain centred, acceptance of all that was, is and will be comes naturally.