We are all under a spell… we are all in a post-hypnotic trance induced in early infancy.
Our most central sense of well-being is derived from the conscious experience of ‘belonging’ and ‘connection’ to those around us… Belonging is the human emotional need to be accepted by your family, friends, teams and communities. As human beings, we inherit a desire to belong which is something greater than thy self. When we feel part of the whole, connected to one another there is a sense of being awake!!
The experience of universal belonging is at the heart of all mystical traditions. In many traditions and cultures, suffering arises out of feeling separate. And I am talking about separation of the ‘self’ – where you feel like something is not right, you feel a little lost and you feel like you don’t belong. Unconsciously there is a sense that something is missing or that something is distant but you just can’t put your finger on it. This then amplifies the feelings of vulnerability and fear, a feeling of being separate as an experiential trance in which we have forgotten the wholeness of our own being.
There is a plethora of information which points to the fact that a large proportion of the population that has the belief in a ‘separate self’. Our efforts to enhance and protect this fragile self has caused us immense pain in our attempts to prove and defend ourselves – because it only enhances our separateness from each other. And trying so hard to manage our ways of thinking has created separation from our body and hearts.
Cast yourself – YOU are the spell…
By the time we are 5 years old we have heard around 40,000 “no’s” compared to 5,000 “yes’s”!
So many of us have grown up with parents who gave us messages about where we could improve … and that we should be, or do, or consider different ways of working. They told us how to act, what to say or not say, what to do and what not to do and the list goes on…
And … it’s important not to get into the blame game – our parents had an influence on who we are today, but they did the best they could with the knowledge they had, although it is true that the simple sayings like: “Who do you think you are, speaking up?” or “Why do you have to be so needy?” did have an effect, and it’s important to recognise that, in order to let it go. Because our natural state of being is to be completely the opposite, you want to be heard, and you want to be loved, connected and feel like you belong.
“I am not good enough” or “I am not worthy of this” is a common catch cry from most people, because of what we heard and accepted as ‘true’ in our imprinting phase of life. As a result, it is common for us to feel in fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of not being accepted, so we work so hard to be liked, to be accepted … ever wondered why there is such an increase of workaholism? Why we have such strong drives to accomplish for others? These might seem like respectable desires, but they are pulling us further away from our ‘self’ and are motivated by fear.
Although we are playing these unconscious old programs that no longer serve us, we can change. If you were to cast yourself as the spell, what magic would you create for yourself?
Your inner child needs to feel belonging…
We all have an inner child that is screaming out to be heard, to be understood and to be loved. When our parents didn’t respond to our fears, because they were too preoccupied to really listen to our needs, or were sending you messages that you were failing and pointing out all your flaws, it’s natural that as a result we adopted similar ways of relating to our own being… where we disconnect and banish parts of our inner world – our own self.
The trance of unworthiness, sustained by the movement of blaming, striving and self-numbing, begins to lift when we stop the action… When we start to cut through the trance in the moment and when we turn and embrace what has felt so personal.
Then, and only then, can we awaken from feelings of separateness and find that we are in love with all of life.
Starve the ego feed the soul…
The Japanese say you have three faces. The first face, you show the world. The second face, you show your close friends and your family. The third face, you never show anyone. It is the truest reflection of who you are. What does that tell you? Why can’t we be truly who we are no matter what our environment? This ties in with our upbringing and our culture. Our ego is not truly who we are, we just show up in a certain way because of our imprinting phase.
You know when the ego is showing up, because it doesn’t feel right – you are judgemental, you are the victim and you blame – you give your power away. You complain, you like to criticise and you thrive on drama … and you feel superior to others, needs to prove worth, and does things only for approval of others, pretty much the mindset of what’s in it for me.
But, when you come from a place of the soul, you are non-judgemental, you accept others, you take responsibility for all your actions, you are forgiving, you are grateful, you know we are all here to learn, we are all equal, you are trusting of others and process, you feel connected, loved and accepted of yourself and others.
You trust the flow of life and you are comfortable of spending time with self.
This is why it’s important to starve the ego and feed your soul. It’s possible for all of us to let go of what we think we know, and embrace our truth, our magic. It’s just a matter of taking time to upgrade your mind, and to throw out all those old programs that no longer serve you.