Skip to main content

“When we embrace our shadow, we liberate ourselves from the prison of perfection and step into the brilliance of our authentic power.” — Catherine Plano

Every single one of us walks through life wearing a carefully curated identity. We are mothers, leaders, entrepreneurs, dreamers—each role stitched together by the threads of our experiences, values, and beliefs. But lurking in the corners of our psyche, hidden from our conscious awareness, is a silent companion: the shadow. It’s the part of ourselves we’d rather not acknowledge, the traits and desires we’ve tucked away because they feel inconvenient, unworthy, or even shameful.

I once found myself standing in the bathroom of a bustling conference centre, gripping the edges of the sink so tightly that my knuckles turned white. My reflection stared back at me—defiant, trembling, and full of doubts I’d fought hard to suppress. The air smelled faintly of industrial cleaner, and the muffled hum of voices outside only heightened my sense of isolation. The whisper of my inner voice was deafening: “You don’t belong here.” My heart pounded in my chest, and I could feel the heat rising to my face as tears threatened to fall. That’s when I first met my shadow. It wasn’t in some dramatic confrontation or breakthrough moment. It was in this quiet, unassuming panic, where the weight of my perfectionism and fear collided with the truth of who I was.

The shadow doesn’t announce itself. It slips into the background of our lives, speaking through subtle cues: a tightening in the chest, a flash of jealousy, or the stubborn resistance that holds us back. I had no idea this companion had been shaping so many of my choices, whispering from the sidelines, until I was brave enough to stop and listen.

What is the Shadow, Really?

The shadow, as Carl Jung described, is the unconscious side of our personality—the traits, feelings, and desires we suppress because they don’t align with the person we believe we should be. It’s not just our anger, jealousy, or fear. It’s also our brilliance, creativity, and confidence—parts of ourselves we’ve been taught to dim because they feel too bold, too much.

Let me share a story. Early in my career, I avoided people who were assertive and direct. I told myself they were rude, too much, but deep down, their confidence unsettled me because it made me feel small. Over time, I realized that what I judged in them was a strength I had disowned in myself. My shadow was whispering: “You have this power too. Why won’t you claim it?”

Imagine this: Someone walks into a room and commands attention with ease. They speak their mind without hesitation. What stirs within you? Perhaps a spark of envy or irritation. That’s your shadow whispering, “Why can’t I do that?” The shadow isn’t here to taunt you. It’s here to guide you, revealing hidden parts of yourself that long to be embraced.

The Shadow’s Language: Triggers, Resistance, and Patterns

The shadow speaks through the cracks in our identity. It shows up in triggers—those moments when someone’s behaviour sparks an emotional reaction that feels disproportionate to the situation. It appears in resistance—the procrastination, avoidance, or hesitation that keeps us stuck. And it hides in patterns—the recurring dynamics in our relationships, decisions, or behaviours that leave us frustrated and confused.

For me, the shadow revealed itself in my fear of being seen. I meticulously prepared for opportunities to speak, share, or lead, only to shrink back at the last moment. I told myself I wasn’t ready, but the truth was, I feared success as much as I feared failure. Success meant responsibility, visibility, and vulnerability—all things my ego wasn’t ready to embrace. My shadow was protecting me from the discomfort of growth, but it was also holding me back from my potential.

Have you noticed patterns in your own life? Do you procrastinate on projects that could bring you recognition? Do you resist taking risks, even when your heart tells you to leap? These are not flaws—they are invitations from your shadow, urging you to pay attention.

Reclaiming Power: The Gifts Hidden in the Shadow

Here’s the paradox: The very traits we suppress often contain our greatest gifts. Procrastination might reveal a need for clarity and intention. Perfectionism might point to a drive for excellence. Even people-pleasing can transform into empathy and connection when balanced with boundaries.

Take a moment and reflect. What’s one trait you’ve been criticised for or judged in yourself? Could it hold an untapped strength? When we embrace these parts of ourselves, we integrate the light and shadow, becoming whole. We move from self-judgment to self-compassion, and in doing so, we unlock a deeper sense of authenticity and power.

Imagine your shadow as a mischievous companion, tugging at your sleeve, saying, “Look at me. I have something to teach you.” It’s not here to harm you. It’s here to reveal the brilliance you’ve been hiding.

The Power of Intention: Shaping Your Shadow Work Journey

When I began my shadow work journey, I used affirmations to create new neural pathways and shift my perspective. One of my favourites is simple but transformative: “I am willing to see this differently.” This affirmation invites curiosity and openness, softening the resistance that keeps the shadow hidden.

Another is: “I allow myself to embrace my imperfections as stepping stones to growth.” By repeating these intentions daily—for 21 days to build the habit, 44 days to embed it, and 60 days to transform it—I rewired my relationship with the parts of myself I once avoided. Affirmations are powerful because they speak directly to the subconscious, where the shadow resides, creating space for healing and growth.

Try this: The next time you feel triggered, pause and say, “I wonder what this moment is teaching me about myself.” Write it down. Reflect. You may uncover a treasure you never knew was hidden.

An Invitation to Dance with Your Shadow

Shadow work isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about reclaiming the parts of you that you’ve disowned and integrating them into your identity. It’s about standing in your wholeness and recognising that every part of you—light and dark—has value.

So, I invite you to take the first step. Notice your triggers. Ask yourself: “What is this trying to teach me?” Journal your thoughts. Explore affirmations. Create a ritual to acknowledge and honour your shadow. Perhaps write it a letter or draw it as a character to make it more tangible and less intimidating.

Approach your shadow with compassion and curiosity. The path may not always be easy, but it is deeply rewarding. Remember: The shadow isn’t here to harm you. It’s here to guide you, to show you the brilliance you’ve been hiding. And when you embrace it, you’ll discover a strength and authenticity that will illuminate your life in ways you never imagined.

Here’s your challenge: Spend five minutes today reflecting on a recent moment when you felt triggered. What was the story you told yourself about that moment? How might it reveal something valuable about your shadow? Write it down, and let the journey begin.

What part of your shadow are you ready to embrace today?